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Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.