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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
Lol at birds that walk places.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."