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Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?