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People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...