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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.