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Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM