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At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, Iām forty. I have one.
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." ā Children
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Line forms here for spankings
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude