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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative