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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet