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How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.