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Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.