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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.