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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
This headache feels like dumb people
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
Someday, somewhere, somehow Iām going to do something.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.