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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
I need a new bad decision.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.