Daily Silly Status

I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.

Most problems can be solved with nudity

Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.

My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...

Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.

It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.

Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??

Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.

Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today

I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.

Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.

omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.

Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"

You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.