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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
I slept with my best friend’s wife last night and now I feel terrible. …. ….. She must have given me a cold or something.
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.