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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.