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The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.