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My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".