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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch