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Worry: a waste of imagination.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.