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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!