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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.