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No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.