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Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`