Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
The first order of business for the 115th Congress: blaming everything on the 114th Congress.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies Iām going to pay with.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
Doormats are a gateway rug.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.