Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?