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Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
Little to no thought was put into this status.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
facebooked yo mama!!!
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....