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When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.