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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.