Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?