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The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
A hard thing about business is minding your own
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.