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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"