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When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!