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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D