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Does this status update make me look fat?
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?