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I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors