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The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.