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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.