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I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.