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If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.