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FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?