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Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.