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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..