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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.