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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?