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Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
Dear liver…. Here is an advance sorry for tonight… sincerely Jimmy…
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
I think I may be getting harder to love.