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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.