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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
I know u r but what am I ?
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."