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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO