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Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.