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I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you