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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now