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Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
My life is a very complicated drinking game
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
Hi Iām an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.