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I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
Mondays are middle finger approved
Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.