Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.