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I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.