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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
Doormats are a gateway rug.
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner