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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
Why I stay slim? I once was forced to pay for two plane tickets, one for a person who wasn`t travelling with me. That`s why.
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.