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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science