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What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
I drink because people talk.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...