Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married