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Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.