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People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
You are here: X
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.