Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....